Developing the IFS Skill of Unblending
In Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, the concept of "blending" is central to understanding how we experience challenging emotions and situations. Blending refers to a state where we lose connection with our true Self – the calm, wise, and compassionate core of our being – and become completely identified with one of our parts. This identification often leads to impulsive actions and distorted perceptions.
Imagine you're experiencing intense anger. When blended with your angry part, you might feel completely consumed by rage, unable to see beyond the immediate trigger. Your ability to make kind, intelligent decisions is overshadowed by the raw emotion. You might react impulsively, saying or doing things you later regret. Your perspective is narrowed, focused solely through the lens of that angry part. You've lost touch with your ability to access your Self's wisdom and compassion.
Let's use a visual metaphor: Imagine your fingers represent a specific part, such as your angry part. When blended, it's as if only your fingers are seeing the world, experiencing the situation, and making decisions. Your whole hand, representing your complete self, is disconnected from the process. You lack a broader perspective, and instead of a balanced response, your actions are solely dictated by the anger in your fingers.
Working with Your Parts Outside the Trigger:
IFS therapy offers a unique approach to working with these challenging parts, focusing on understanding them outside of the triggering situation. The aim isn't to eliminate the part (after all, your anger likely serves a purpose, such as protecting you from perceived threats), but to learn how to work with it skillfully and compassionately.
This process begins with cultivating awareness. In therapy, you'll learn to identify where the angry part resides in your body—a tightness in your chest, a clenched jaw, a knot in your stomach. By noticing these physical sensations, you begin to separate the feeling from your complete Self. This awareness is the first step towards unblending.
Developing the Skill of Unblending:
Through guided exercises and compassionate exploration, you'll deepen your understanding of the angry part. You'll begin to hear its concerns, understand its intentions, and see the protective role it plays, even if those methods are currently harmful. You’ll discover that the angry part isn't inherently bad; it's trying to help, but it's using ineffective strategies.
This process of inquiry often leads to a profound shift in perspective. You begin to notice that you can separate from the angry part and see a broader perspective as if stepping back and viewing the situation from a helicopter. You can see the "wood from the trees," gaining a clearer understanding of the situation's context and nuances.
Imagine the shift from the feeling of being completely consumed by anger (your fingers seeing the world) to experiencing a wider perspective, where your whole hand and arm (your whole Self) is engaged. You can use your whole arm to more skillfully and compassionately handle the situation. You retain the strength and insight of the angry part but access your Self’s wisdom to respond with more nuance and balance.
The Benefits of Unblending:
Learning the skill of unblending isn't just about managing anger; it's about reclaiming your connection to your True Self. It's about:
Gaining greater self-awareness: Understanding your parts and their impact on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours.
Developing emotional regulation skills: Learning to manage intense emotions without being overwhelmed.
Making more compassionate and intelligent decisions: Responding to situations with greater clarity, empathy, and wisdom.
Improving relationships: Communicating more effectively and responding more skillfully in challenging interpersonal situations.
Increasing overall well-being: Experiencing a greater sense of peace, balance, and self-acceptance.
Unblending isn't a one-time fix; it's a skill that develops over time with practice and guidance. IFS therapy provides a safe and supportive space to cultivate this essential ability, empowering you to navigate life's challenges with greater resilience and compassion. If you are struggling with intense emotions and feeling overwhelmed, reaching out to an IFS therapist may be a helpful next step in your healing journey.
Please let me know if this was helpful, or if you have any questions info@crawfweir.com.au
