How Your Inner Self-Critic is Trying to Help You

In Internal Family Systems (IFS), each part of ourselves, including the self-critic, typically has a positive intention or purpose, even if its methods are harmful or unhelpful. Here’s how your inner self-critic might be trying to help you:

1. Protection from Failure: The self-critic may stem from a desire to protect you from making mistakes or facing criticism from others. By being critical, it might believe it is encouraging you to try harder or to avoid failure.

2. Motivation for Improvement: It often aims to motivate you to improve your performance or behaviour. The critic pushes you to meet certain standards, thinking this will lead to success or acceptance.

3. Prevention of Emotional Pain: The self-critic might be trying to prevent emotional pain by criticizing you before someone else can. This can be a defence mechanism to avoid vulnerability or disappointment. Recognising this can help you become more aware and in control of your emotional responses.

4. Enforcement of Standards: It may uphold certain standards or values that you or your upbringing have been taught to believe are important. The critic feels responsible for ensuring that you live up to these values to gain approval or love. Understanding this can help you feel more secure and accepted in your relationship.

5. Validation and Affirmation: Sometimes, the inner critic attempts to validate feelings of inadequacy to raise awareness of areas in need of growth. It might believe that by acknowledging what is “wrong,” one can take action to make it “right.”

6. Fear of Abandonment: In some cases, the critic can be linked to deeper fears of abandonment or rejection. By criticising you, it might believe it is keeping you in line to prevent others from abandoning you due to perceived flaws.

7. Control in Uncertain Situations: Self-criticism can provide a sense of control in chaotic or uncertain situations. Focusing on self-criticism distracts from other external stressors and maintains a semblance of control over one's actions.

8. Avoidance of External Judgment: The inner critic might be trying to preemptively judge you to shield you from judgment by others. By being harsh on yourself first, it might feel like a way to lessen the sting of potential outside criticism.

Understanding these motivations can help you reframe your relationship with the self-critic. Instead of viewing it solely as a negative presence, consider it a part of you trying to serve a protective function. This awareness can pave the way for more compassionate interactions with this part of yourself, leading to healthier internal dialogue and reducing the overall impact of the self-critic.

If you would like to befriend your inner critic, book a FREE 30-minute Consultation Call with Crawf today: www.crawfweir.com.au/book-now